A letter which was never sent

Birkarnelzelzit Thiyam
Hello daddy, I am not weak, am just … not so strong. I just want to write something to you today. Ever since I knew you are my dad, I have been guided by fear, fear everywhere. If I cry at night just because I am hungry, Mom or both of you kept telling me that an old owl will come and suck my tears to death if I didn’t stop crying. Please know this, I did stop crying not because I was strong, just because I was so scared, you used FEAR to guide me. Nobody told me to do good things, even you, in the name of God but just in the fear of going to hell for if I do bad things then God will punish me.
I know I am not good in what you want but trust me I am good in what I want. I know you love me and you know I love you, but it won’t make any sense if you relate our wants and our love, supporting the wants of your love ones is an essential issue of true love. Let love binds us not makes us blind. Daddy, I had a dream, which you now made me feel that I was day dreaming, you now are making me scared of dreaming big, you know why? What will your aunty say? What will our neighbour say? Why you get less-marks than him or her or whomsoever? Now, I am used to thinking that saying YES in everything what both of you say is the safest way to success because I need to get a good job, good wife, good car and a good house with a handsome salary. How small this dream is, but you made me feel that, this is the purpose of life.
Sorry Daddy, let me say some more. Mom gave birth to me just to get me psychologically murdered, or stuck in jail till I die. Mom, can I drive? Can I roam? Can I sing? Can I dance? No way! This has always been the answer except for Can I study hard, too hard, very hard, hard like a rock? Then, both of you will feel like you gave birth to a superhero. I know, it’s not that you don’t want me to drive, roam, sing or dance but you just don’t trust me that I am a human being who has all the senses that can take challenges and risks in life. Why don’t you trust me? Because you have never seen me doing that. Then why don’t you let me do it? Because you are afraid that I might fail. Why don’t you let me try? Is it because prevention is better than cure? How can I even prove you that I can do it when you don’t even give me a try? Have you just heard, “Try-try again, at last you will successfully fail?” Whenever I tell you push out my frustration, you said nothing but the heavenly sentence of facilities, “you have a good electricity here, I buy everything what you need, I pay all your fees, I buy you branded cloths, I sent you to the best of the best teachers for tuition,” but daddy, why do you call that a facility? That’s just emotional blackmail. Now I will tell you, “if you are in jail, you will be guarded by lots of securities wherever you go, you will eat on time, sleep on time, monthly health check-ups,” why don’t you stay there? Because it’s not how much facility you get but how much freedom facilitates you, it all about the freedom that you have in your heart and mind. Studying when we really want to study is far better than studying on time with some rules and all this mechanistic life.
Please don’t compare my report card with his, please do with my last exam’s report card. Instead of teaching me how to run away from risk, teach me how to conquer it. Stop telling your daughter to not to wear shorts while you are wearing SAREE with almost all your back being exposed. Instead of telling me to be like others, be one and tell me to be like you, be an example.
Lastly, I just wanna say thank you for this life and please know this, I have a world yet to be created which is flashed in my dairy every night, I just wanna say, “don’t let me grow like you but let me grow above you.”
You do once have a dream written in your dairy, but now in trash because of the fear of my grandparents. Please don’t let that happen to me anymore.
(The writer is a Motivational Orator, based in Canada. And can be reached at [email protected]; Facebook – Birkarnelzelzit – Young Thoughts; Twitter – Birkarnelzelzit, INSTAGRAM – Birkarnal, watch his WILL motivational videos by going to his YouTube channel @birkarnelzelzit thiyam)


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