Dr Irengbam Mohendra Singh
The title appears militantly ironic. But, Democracy and free markets are not intimately connected to the institution of marriage. There should be a decision maker in this set up. Decision-making is all about why highly educated women who are understandably, choosing to stay single until they find suitable men, rather than marry any sub-standard bloke. It’s human nature that’s designed evolutionarily for men to make decisions in the marriage partnership. The less-educated husbands lag behind in managerial skills to the more educated wives, raising their eyebrow.
On August 14 2001, the feminist Doris Lessing, winner of Nobel Prize for literature (2007) said at Edinburgh book festival that men were the new silent victims in the sex war. It was time they fought back. “men seem to be so cowed that they can’t fight back, and it’s time they did. She also said “Young boys were being weighed down with guilt about the crimes of their sex.” Lessing claimed that much of the “great energy” whipped up by feminism had “been lost in hot air and fine words” when we should have been concentrating on changing laws.
Feminists are falling by the wayside. I remember the loud-mouthed Australian-born feminist Germaine Greer, a Cambridge graduate (author of The Female Eunuch, 1970) associated with the “bra-burning” and “free nipple” campaign of 1960s in the UK. Recently, 7,000 people signed a petition protesting against her giving a lecture at Cardiff University.
I have an Indian doctor consultant friend, who has always been treated badly in public by his domineering Indian wife. We all pity him. She won’t leave him though, as he is the provider of her luxury home with indoor swimming pool and BMW car.
The farce of a henpecked husband, apart from his perpetual miserable life is that, he is hated by his wife for being henpecked, while she hates herself for marrying a wife-ridden person, and having to make all decisions herself.
Viewed against this backdrop, a wife-dominated family life is against the grain. Their life cannot always be like a honeymooning couple floating along on a wonderful holiday in space. There are some arresting statistics that assertive men with bashful women are conducive to the propagation of our own species.
There are some exceptions to the rule in certain matriarchal societies like the Khasis of Meghalaya, India, where the woman is usually the bread winner of the family and men look after children and the house works. It’s said that in cases like these, married men have to be happy with their controlling wife.
The reason for the crisis isn’t that women are not clever enough to make decisions in a family setting, but that they aren’t designed for this role. Top police officer in Scotland Yard is a woman, Cressida Dick. The highest-ranking woman in the British Armed Forces is Susan Ridge (2015), a major general in charge of Army legal system. The prime minister of Britain is a woman Theresa May. At home with their husbands they behave as a ‘normal’ or socially accepted subordinate wife, cooking, washing and other domestic chores.
Modern European marriages don’t last very long because of incompatibility, as equally opposite poles they clash all the time. Marriage takes time to jell together to assimilate their two ways of thinking and worldview. Lord Tennyson described it well: “But that God bless thee, dear – who wrought/Two spirits to one equal mind,/With blessings beyond hope or thought,/With blessings which no words can find;”
In most secular countries there are equal rights for men and women. But nature separates men from women in terms of physic and psychological makeup in order that they may live together in harmony for themselves and the offspring. Though genetic biological evolution has stopped there is genetic evolution for social behaviour for continuation of human species. Even in the ongoing same sex married couples, one of the two behaves like a subordinate wife, such as Elton Jones with his husband partner, and adopt surrogate children with ‘dad and mom’. Women with feminist claptrap are now rare and they can’t do without domineering husbands. Women’s demand for equality of rights is having setbacks. For example: British police have blamed the victims (women) of stalking and harassment. An Audit into police and Crown prosecution Service (Telegraph July 5 2017) found that victims of stalking and harassment have to be blamed and told to change their behaviour to avoid being harassed and stalked. It’s a similar term of reference by Delhi police against Northeast girls who aren’t wearing salwar and kurta or, sarees. Nonsense.
Wendy Williams, HM Inspector of Constabulary, a woman, said that the report found “worrying failings” and added: “It’s not acceptable that victims and their families have to change their lives because of someone else.” The report recommended that the Protection from harassment Act 1997 should be reviewed. Male and female brains are wired differently in some aspects of their functioning eg women are more emotional and passive. Men are more brutish and impulsive. Intelligence-wise there is no difference though women’s brains are wee bit smaller than men.
The size of human brain is finite but, its capacity for working algorithms is infinite. Though the brain had stopped growing during evolution it has become capable of sending astronauts to the moon. It will soon be sending people to colonise the Moon as the Earth is overpopulated.
Understanding ourselves has improved significantly in the last 20 years because of increasing education. That’s the reason for “leftover women”. An educated brain can personalise the person’s own improvement priorities. This is happening to university educated women. The recent trend for educated women is to wait until they find alpha male to marry. If they don’t, they get their eggs frozen in the hope of finding suitable ones later. However, many women, by the time they do so, they may be past it and became “leftovers”.
The dearth of university educated eligible men has left an “oversupply” of educated women, who rather than marrying halfwits, would prefer to freeze their eggs to preserve their fertility. The first global study into egg freezing has shown the terrifying growing problem of “leftover” professional women graduates with female graduates vastly outnumbering males in many countries.
A study led by Yale University, US, involving interviews with 150 women undergoing egg freezing at eight clinics, found that in more than 90% of cases, the women were trying to buy extra time because they could not find a partner. The problem does not end there. These women now in their late 30s, are finding it harder to find men of equal status. Soon some would be leftovers. Gender balance at British universities has now tipped in favour of women. The trend is likely to steepen in future, with 6 in 10 current students female. The number of British women having their eggs frozen has tripled in five years, with around 4,000 such cases in total.
The global research presented at the European Society for Human Reproduction and Embryology conference in Geneva (July 2017) based on interviews with women in the US and Israel, found that in America there are not enough college graduates for these girl graduates and there is an ‘oversupply’ of educated women, called “leftover”.
A former president of the ‘Society for Medical Anthropology’ said that some women might need to be prepared to compromise some of their standards in order to find love, but suggested that society should act to increase the number of men going into higher education.
Prof Geeta Nargund, the Medical Director of Create Fertility, a clinics group in the UK, said: “Women tell us frequently that they are freezing their eggs because the men they meet feel threatened by their success and so are unwilling to commit to starting a family together.” This has become more menacing as female graduates are soaring. Last year (2016) fewer than 105,000 male 18-year-old started university, as compared to 135,000 women.
This topic of “leftover women” came into prominence after the BBC showed a documentary-style video footage for four minutes in April 2016, about “leftover women” or “Sheng nu” in China ie unmarried women over 27, that had gone viral. It was called the “Marriage Market Takeover”, commissioned by Japanese beauty giant SK-II.
The President of SK-II, Markus Strobel made a statement that the advert was part of a global campaign to inspire and empower women to shape their destiny, by showing real-life issue of talented and brave Chinese women feeling pressurised to get married before they turn 27, for fear of being labelled ‘sheng nu’.
Before WWII, among Meiteis in Manipur, South Asia, if a girl had not been married by the age of 18, she was Leishabi makoktangbi, a leftover, and would be ridiculed as “so old that one could see head lice cross the widening partition in her hair across the middle of her crown. Head lice were quite common in those days.
(The writer is based in the UK. Email:irengbammsingh.com.uk: Website:www.drimsingh.co.uk)
Dr Irengbam Mohendra Singh