Dr Sumedha Kushwaha
Deriving from my personal experience, I have seen that when we are absolutely sure that we have cracked the game of our life right, it’s finally a winning streak and everything is working according to our will- something life changing will happen that will make you understand that your grand plans have gone for a toss. Life is unpredictable and just when we think that everything is on our side, it acts weird and hits us hard. It hits us when we expect it the least.
Out of sudden people get sick, some are thrown out of their jobs, some lose their only child, some fail in the class. When faced with this, it is so difficult to accept the truth at first. We go into a state of denial. We start thinking that this is not for real. We cannot accept the truth as it is. We try all measures to distract ourselves. After a while, when the mind contemplates that the incident has really happened, reality sinks in. We start to feel so depressed, the grandness of our plans just seem so small and fake in front of the Big Boss sitting somewhere up in heaven, relaxing and chilling! Then we start to reason out the cause- thinking - why did this happen to me? Why on earth did God choose me to suffer? I never did bad to anyone, then why me? Am I unlucky? All these thoughts hover over our brains for a long time and then start the phase of blaming – We usually choose external objects and forces for the same. However, there is a theory of karma also, which is slightly beyond comprehension. It says that we accumulate good or bad karma not just in this lifetime. It is there from our past lifetimes as well. So, what do we do? At last, we come into the zone of acceptance and surrender. We understand that if we don’t fight this with all our might, we might be defeated. During all the struggle, we start to feel lonely because it’s hard to fight without someone who motivates you, loves you and constantly cheers for you.
When we find a partner in this journey of our struggle, pain or grief- to share our thoughts and feelings with, nothing like it! This companion in your journey may be there for some time or forever. He/she might be a passive observer or an active participant who would even take decisions on your behalf. But, for sure, he/she will help you to vent your emotions, make you feel loved, be compassionate and loving even when you are grumpy, and will accept you without any prejudice of looks, colour, caste, religion. When such relationships are built during the most difficult phases of life, you are imbued with each other’s personality. When you are upset, they have the ability to make you smile; if you are sad, they make you laugh; if you are hopeless, they will bring hope; when you are dealing with your worst mood swings, they will hold the pendulum of your emotions close to their bosom and make you feel stable. This relationship is just like the boat and an anchor. If your boat is dwindling, the anchor helps it navigate during tough times. Needless to say, no matter how much the anchor flutters, it remains strong for the boat. This mate of yours, acts like a sound board, he/she listens to you when you don’t even want to talk to anyone. Time and space vanish in this zone. Because, you both become one at a level that’s beyond love, friendship, relationship, spirituality, physicality, compassion etc. It is a white space, where there is no noise, it’s just unconditional support.
Usually when a child becomes sick, see how the mother reacts! She feels no hunger, no thirst, no sleep, no anger, nothing! Just one wish, that the child gets better. I am talking of that feeling. Partners are difficult to find. It may be your spouse, your colleague, your best friend, your mother, your sibling- with whom you can just be yourself, the way you are without the fear of being judged; who will go out of their way to help you, do anything to make you smile and make you feel comfortable. Sometimes you just meet such people on the way of life. When they come and you feel it’s the right feeling, don’t be hesitant to accept them and don’t shy away because winning partnerships are very instinctive. They just knock once, even when you peep through the hole, without even having met the person, you know it’s the right one. Don’t take so much time to unlock the door of your heart, maybe when you finally open, the person is gone!
Some people always crib that humanity has vanished from planet earth, people aren’t that good to us, no one stood by me when I was alone etc. But, the question to ask yourself today is that have you loved someone enough? Are you standing with someone unconditionally in their journey of pain? Are you going out of your way to be with somebody or are you still happy cribbing in your comfort zone? Are you a good partner to someone who needs you the most?
The writer can be reached at [email protected]