We all make choices. In good faith, we make some choices for ourselves and some for others. When these choices turn out good, we term them as good decisions and when they do not, we call them as mistakes. I hope, all of us have made mistakes or bad decisions. When we make a mistake, we usually regret. We go through the entire sequence of actions in our brain again and again to understand what really happened, where did it all go wrong, dig deeper to understand, question ourselves and unless the brain finds an understandable reason or excuse we keep playing with the problem. However, if the brain is unable to solicit itself, we just try to forget the whole thing like a bad dream. Now the part of forgetting is also called escape.
But in my experience, escape is a very temporary solution. We need reasons for everything, but sometimes its not possible. When we use the mechanism of escape, whenever similar situations crop up, we are bound to go back into the library of old memories and take out files from this incident. Since we never had a closure, we play with the same problem again, we sulk, grudge, try to forgive or hail curses. I have seen people having a grudge for someone or some event for even a lifetime. So what we do? Is forgetting a bad experience not a good solution? In my opinion, we never forget, we just pile up a stock of fresh emotions and experiences on top of that situation so that we are not being able to see the mistake. It fades away but never really goes. The more the time lapses, we think we will heal better. But I don’t think so, emotional scarring is not a good form healing.
The term I would like to draw your attention today to is “Unlearning”, which is an essentially an art. It becomes better with practice. Our brains have the power to learn and unlearn. Learning things is somewhat easy and natural but unlearning is mostly difficult. When we unlearn, we just don’t simply try to forget.We take this a little deeper and understand the basic or fundamental values which we need to change from this particular event or experience and shift our entire focus into self development. “Un” can be taken as “reversal” and “Learning” is to “Imbibe something new”. So essentially, we are not just forgetting and escaping, we are doing Human Revolution for our ownselves. We hone our human values to attain their greatest potential so that the feelings of guilt, hurt, sadness are overpowered not subdued or repressed. The power of unlearning is immense. The idea is to put so much energy inside you, focus all your attention inside that the darkness of a bad experience is lit by the subliminal light of your own consciousness. You understand that now you are free from the negative feelings and the bad experience just floats like a dead body floats in water.
Though its as heavy as it should be, but for you it becomes lighter, it floats above like a gas balloon and you don’t have to drag it throughout your life. The good part is that if you have similar situations, the mind will still go the library of memories, but the file will have this enlightened experience that nothing can hurt you anymore.
Try this practice with yourself if you have been brooding and thinking bad about someone or some event (we are all humans, its natural). But sometimes, in the process our minds and egos control us so much that we lose control over our ownselves. This experience often damages us more than anyone else. I call it “self inflicted pain”. So, this Friendship Day, deepen you bond with your own self first before wishing anyone else. Pour your ownself with immense love. Please think that unless your own cup is full with love, how will your pour love or happiness in other peoples life?
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