Knowing yourself

Mingyashin Shaiza
I think there will be a lot lesser heartbreak, suicide or mental illness when you know yourself better. I was never taught to love myself first or know myself first. I grew up in such an environment where we have to think about what others will think or say. From the way we eat, walk or dress to the way we behave in public or talk to others, we were taught to think of others.
What about me ? What about the way I think ? What if I am uncomfortable in that dress or walk like others want me to walk ? What if I prefer to be different ? What if I think different ? What if I am meant to be unique ?
When I was younger, I was thought to be weird. I tried my level best to behave and be like everyone else still I couldn’t think like them. I was neither a bright student, nor was I good on the stage. I had absolutely no talent but I tried everything. Thanks to my lovely parents, they didn’t stop me when I told them I wanted to take music lesson and many other lessons.
Although I was not taught to love myself first, my parents raised us differently. I can proudly say that, in my town, I was one of the first girls to ride cycle, drive car and even ride a Royal Enfield Bullet. I remember guys teasing me saying, “How can a girl ride cycle ?”  
With dad, there was no limit for us to learn. My brothers learned to drive at an early age and we got a lot of complaint from parents in our town. Of course they were not made to drive around on their own before they reached the age of 18, dad warned them strictly about that. Still, he took pride in training us and keeping us prepared.
Since I was raised differently, I think differently. But I grew up questioning myself a lot, confused with what I am supposed to be. I stayed open to the way people think, trying my best not to judge them, instead understand them the way they are. I never really liked people hanging out in groups or gang, although I had one. I think groupism should not be encouraged as it can make the others feel unwanted and isolated. I try to get to know everyone and not confined in a group.
I’ve tried searching for myself in another person. I tried showering my affections to someone. I tried searching for an answer in someone else’s life. I couldn’t be satisfied with what I found.
They say you can love the other person in best possible ways only when you learn to love yourself first. It’s true.
To understand myself, I started to ask questions to my close friends, online friends, elders, random strangers (whom I met for a few hours but had a great conversation with) and anyone possible. I researched a lot, in books, internet and picked my parents brains. They think I am weird too, sometimes, because I ask them weird questions.
It’s amazing to realize that when you desire to know yourself better, the whole world conspire to teach you about you. Everywhere I go, anyone I meet and any experience I get, it gives me a way to know myself better.  The world just seems to open up and let you see everything clearly.
“The better you know yourself, the better your relationship with the rest of the world.” Toni Collette
When I found myself, I learned to understand the people around me better. I learned to accept them the way they are. I learned to know what I deserve and what I am worth. I learned that the world is not that big after all and we are all mere humans living in different locations. I learned to tame the animal in me and also tame the animals around me. Knowing myself prevented me from falling back to depression and getting my heart broken.
When you know yourself, you will know what is best for you and it wouldn’t matter what others think about you. You will be so comfortable in your own skin that you will start to glow and look beautiful, as you learn to take care of yourself. You will know your worth, start to speak your own truth, be your own muse, enjoy your own company and never feel lonely. Most importantly you will start to attract good things around you.
“He who knows others is wise; he who knows himself is enlightened.” Lao Tzu
The views expressed here are solely that of the writer and not intended to target/hurt anyone