You have to keep breaking your heart until it opens – Rumi

Birkarnelzelzit Thiyam
Heartbreaks are commonest sources of distress and disappointments in the lives of people. People are swayed into a state of happiness when in a relationship. And once it's over- they take a lifetime to forget this. We still dream of people years after our breakups, a line from a poem brings tears to eyes, a similar smell invigorates memories from the past, mention of a place where two lovers spent their time together- makes you sad for days.
Is there a way to escape this pain? Is there a way, like in a movie, we can fast forward to this part which we don't like to see. People usually say-Forget it! Out of sight-Out of mind ! But I think the only way to escape is to accept-acceptance helps in moving on in life. When we forgive our past-it becomes harmless.
We all want to forget our pasts because we think it hurts-but if you have the courage to accept-then no need to forget-you can fall in love with your past-by accepting it-that’s how you change in life.
Saying so-I have always got the advice “Forget it and move on” as the top selling advice in the current market. But if forgetting things is the unique selling point of that quote/advice, trust me-you are feeding the cat to leave you and you know-cats won’t leave those who feed them. Or rather, I see that as an oxymoron.
Instead of forgetting, or trying to forget -which is medically near impossible-have you ever tried the other way round ? Acceptance can make you fall in love with your mistakes, take complete control of them and change them to lessons not nightmares. Only with acceptance, will it help you grow stronger with mistakes.
We want to always remember the good times, no one wants to think about the pain they went through. It's our  judgment of what is good and what is bad that makes us biased towards things that bring a smile. But the fact of the matter is-It's all a part of us. It all contributed to who you are today. The reality is the pains you tolerated strengthen your character. The silent tears which flowed down your cheeks when you strove alone made you realize that you are stronger than this. The constant companions who cheer and remind you of how the world isn't that bad a place, the lonely nights, the wet pillows-all tell a story of the courage and commitment you showed.
I know it’s hard when you keep hearing his or her voice, picturing that person again and again,  when you yearn to hear those comforting words once again, the warmth of those hugs, the feeling of that hand over yours and in reality you love everything about that person. But little could you do to forget his/her lies and betrayals. I know you tried, you drank, you smoked-but- never accepted that special person played with you.
You kept asking the same question ? How could he/she do that ? And right before you get the answer-you drank, you smoked, you cried. Listen, if you are stuck here, all you need is a little more strength to accept the reality. “Yes, she played with me,” this small acceptance will change the direction of the wind. Ask me how to accept it ? I have no proper answer but just a little courage. A slice of acceptance will root you to the never ending freedom of life.
Acceptance is a beautiful feeling. It does not mean surrender. It means acknowledgement of facts with due respect. Acceptance is the first step towards change. Inner change happens not when you keep band-aiding your wounds- but it happens when you leave them open and let them heal. Understand that when nature requires time, you are no superhuman. There are scars after the wound heals, similarly-you also have memories and experiences. When you look at your scars- what do you do? Do you start crying again? Do you need to sob the whole night again ? No. It's healed. You accept that you were hurt and now healed. Similarly, the pain of your past will probably not vanish- but will decrease in its intensity and make you smile if you let it and yourself give space to breathe.
 Love is a wonderful feeling. Relationships are more like lock and key models. Not every key fits, and the one that does- opens your heart. Do not keep your heart locked. Love is a beautiful gateway that shows you the way towards serenity, tranquility and peace. Real love gives you freedom. You aren't like a kite with a string in someone’s hand but two birds flying in the sky together and the love between two individuals is a force that keeps you whole in your own existence. There is no need to feel incomplete. Because, if you keep feeling incomplete, how will you compliment the person ? Feel complete wholeness in yourself- be willing to give more than take. Love someone so much that the presence or absence of that individual does not make a difference to your feelings. Love sets you in a zone of divinity- even in the absence of that person- if you are able to enjoy his/her company- that's when your spirit and soul are one. Such love is hard to find and harder to do.
The writer is an International Awardee and also a major in International Business Marketing from Algonquin, Ottawa, Canada. He is also the Managing Director & Chief Marketing Officer of Khoihee Industries, India. He can be reached at birkarnelzelzitthiyam3073@gmail.com. Watch his motivational videos on YouTube at Live With Bir.